y'all ... i cannot stand the 'let them' theory

This … is a truth I’ve been sitting on for way too long and I’m finally ready to say it out loud.

I fucking hate the “let them” theory.

There. I said it.

Some of y’all might think I’m just being a bitter hater (and sometimes I am). But this ain’t that. This is righteous.

Let me start by saying this … I agree with the you can’t control anyone but yourself aspect. You can’t force someone to grow faster, love you better or magically fix their bad habits overnight. Their path is theirs. Fine. But here’s the line they blur: releasing control is not the same thing as removing accountability. I can respect your autonomy and still name the ways your choices affect me. I can “let you” live your life and still refuse to absorb the fallout of your mess. The second we start calling silence and self-erasure “support,” we’re no longer talking about boundaries — we’re talking about abandonment of self.

“Let them” confuses boundaries with not giving a fuck. Healthy boundaries are active … you say the thing, you stand on it, you respect yourself in the process. “Let them” is basically a one-way to Avoidance-ville (I hate it there), where you play it cool while quietly rotting inside. That’s not emotional maturity. That’s emotional novocaine. And novocaine wears off ugly. People love to romanticize shutting up like it’s wisdom, but most of the time, it’s just handing someone permission to keep crossing your line. Again and again and again. And yeah — this applies to your best friend, your partner, your boss, etc. Life is messy. Stick around anyone long enough and they’re gonna fuck up — that’s part of being human. But that doesn’t mean everything should just be left alone. The “let them” theory skips over repair, growth and the magic of uncomfortable-but-worth-it conversations. You’re not powerless. You can say, “that hurt,” or “I need this to change,” without your whole world crumbling. Stop acting like a side character in your own damn life.

Here’s the real truth: detachment ≠ peace. Most of the time, detachment is just repression with better branding. Real peace is knowing you showed up fully — messy feelings, clear boundaries, all of it. Pretending you don’t care isn’t zen. It’s completely deleting parts of yourself.

Protect your peace? Always. But peace isn’t always quiet. Sometimes it’s saying, “hey, that was weird as shit … don’t do that again.”

Because “let them” doesn’t make you unbothered.

It makes you complicit while someone drags their muddy shoes across everything you swore you’d protect.